Dealing With The Emotions Of Living In Constant Pain

The psychological aspects of dealing with constant back pain is almost as difficult as the physical.

After over five years of non-stop pain I’ve had my share of breakdowns. Most of the time I can compartmentalize the emotions but now and then something breaks through.

Usually it comes from sudden reminders that tend to overwhelm me.

1:The fact that it looks like I’ll have to live with this for the rest of my life and when I die majority of my life will have been in pain.

2:Paying way too much for medical treatments that were supposed to have to have helped with this at least a little, only to have it stay exactly the same. Hell I could have done nothing, saved tens of thousands of dollars and had the same result.

3:I’m not the best version of me, I used to be more active, happier and more disposable income. The pain has taken all of that away and more.

4: Anger directed to something other than the pain itself. A misdirection since I can’t see or interact with the pain directly, I can’t punch the pain so I’ll punch this pillow or I’ll yell at this bowl of soup. (OK I’ve never actually yelled at soup yet but I figure over the next 50 years it’s only a matter of time).

I’ve considered going to a therapist to deal with this but the therapist won’t take away the pain and will at the very least just add to my growing pile of medical debt.

It’s been over five years of pain an I fear I’m getting worse at dealing with it not better.

Nucynta: A Review From Someone Who’s Been Off And On It For Years.

I have a love/hate relationship with Nucynta. On the one hand it’s decent for pain relief if you can time it correctly, there are a few other issues to consider.
My doctor suggested I try Nucynta a few years ago after I had been on Oxycontin/acetaminophen(Percocet) and was complaining about side effects. He gave me a prescription, I walked across the street to fill it and I was hit by the biggest side effects of Nucynta: extreme sticker shock and a philosophical questioning of capitalism. A one month prescription was over $1000. My first assumption was that my doctor had prescribed gold-covered caviar. Since I hadn’t hit my deductible my insurance covered 0%. I walked back across the street and got a refill for Percocet.
About six months later I hit my deductible and decided to give Nucynta another shot. Sure instead of paying $38 per month I was now paying over $200 but I figured it was worth it if I could get my mind back. I was glad to be off Percocet, the foggy feeling I was walking around with for months lifted and was replaced by what feels like what I can only describe as a slight ice-cream headache that Nucynta provides. The pain however was still there.
Nucynta doesn’t cover up pain the same way. Granted Percocet doesn’t really cover it up either but Nucynta masks it differently. Still it made the pain more tolerable than not taking anything and I didn’t seem to have the negative effects that Percocet has. I (literally) limped along and was on it for two months when my wife had to go on my insurance. This meant my deductible doubled and the total cost was over $1000 again.
This brings us to one of the side effects of being prescribed Nucynta that you don’t get from taking it. I quickly contracted a sever case of “screw that noise” syndrome and now I’m back on my nemesis, Percocet.
Overall the question is if Nucynta really does the job.   The answer is “meh”.  It’s not that it’s better than Percocet, it’s just not as bad.

The Search Begins

1442207685_featured.jpegOr rather the search continues.
I’ve had lower back pain for the majority of the last five years and, after much prodding from my wife, I’ve decided to document it so I can look back, see what’s worked and what happens.
The problem with pain is that it’s really only experienced in the moment, so you can’t really say “oh it’s 40% worse than two years ago”, since two years ago it was just as terrible or much better than it is now. When you’re experiencing pain, the worst pain is the pain you’re feeling today.
So this will be a way for me to document my experiences.
Percocet, Oxycontin, Nucynta, Accupuncture, Physical Therapy, Surgery that didn’t work, or maybe it did but made it worse.
Plus a bunch of images that have nothing to do with the post at hand.