The psychological aspects of dealing with constant back pain is almost as difficult as the physical.
After over five years of non-stop pain I’ve had my share of breakdowns. Most of the time I can compartmentalize the emotions but now and then something breaks through.
Usually it comes from sudden reminders that tend to overwhelm me.
1:The fact that it looks like I’ll have to live with this for the rest of my life and when I die majority of my life will have been in pain.
2:Paying way too much for medical treatments that were supposed to have to have helped with this at least a little, only to have it stay exactly the same. Hell I could have done nothing, saved tens of thousands of dollars and had the same result.
3:I’m not the best version of me, I used to be more active, happier and more disposable income. The pain has taken all of that away and more.
4: Anger directed to something other than the pain itself. A misdirection since I can’t see or interact with the pain directly, I can’t punch the pain so I’ll punch this pillow or I’ll yell at this bowl of soup. (OK I’ve never actually yelled at soup yet but I figure over the next 50 years it’s only a matter of time).
I’ve considered going to a therapist to deal with this but the therapist won’t take away the pain and will at the very least just add to my growing pile of medical debt.
It’s been over five years of pain an I fear I’m getting worse at dealing with it not better.